reflections on goodbye

Our cabin is bare, and interestingly enough, looks smaller than ever.

The past few days have been a blur. Two days ago was the Alumni Ball and
final dance, the yesterday was the Re-entry Presentation. Today was
Convocation and the final Pre-Port.

- - -

I don't like long good-byes. I have no patience for them, so today has
been a long day. Tomorrow will be even more so. I'm not stressing over
whether I say good-bye to everyone I care about. I do genuinely care
about them but... I'm just so bad at saying good-bye.

It's goodbye, in a way. I'm traveling with a couple friends in London
and have plans to meet up with a couple more. It is unusual to think
that when we get off the ship, it is for the last time. There is no
embarkation time, no new adventure, there is no next country.

Except there is. There is tomorrow, and the day after that.

Just because I'm not arriving in a new foreign land every week or so
once I return home, it certainly doesn't mean I don't have to take the
exact same approach to every day of my life as I did to every day in SAS.

Every day. Every day can be exciting. There is so much to look forward to.

- - -

My eyes feel older.

Like my soul, my essence, has been broken and reformed in so many ways
that I'm not quite sure how it goes back together again. And maybe that
new puzzle shape isn't the incorrect one.

I feel like a disclaimer is necessary: everyone who will be a part of my
life post-SAS will, I think, inevitably learn how important this
experience was to my life. Whether you hear one story or them all, I
cannot be the same person I was when I left for you, nor is there any
point in trying to be.

Not only because I shaved off all my hair, or because I have so many
stamps in my passport, but because I have left and I have returned, and
I will likely do so again.


- - -

I have no idea of how frequently I will be able to blog once I get off
the ship. Hopefully every country or so, but we'll see. Currently the
plan is London until May 7th-ish, Glasgow until the 12th, fly out of
Edinburgh on the 13th to Madrid, home on the 31st. We'll see.

For everyone whose emails I have ignored the past few days, I will get
to them, I promise.

- - -

Thank you to everyone who has read this blog thus far. If you've taken
the time to do so, I feel like when I get home I can look into your eyes
and know that you, in a way, were with me the whole way.

Thank you. Thank you.